There I layed completely motionless, rain battering down on my skin, my face glued to the tile floor. Water rose to my lips, i can taste the salt from my eyes beganing to flavor the water. I cryed... I cryed for every pain that pricked at my body, for every heartbeat that went too long wasted screaming for its other half. I cryed for every hope thats abandoned me, i cryed for every memory that she shared with me, i cryed for every breath she took of mine... i cryed for all the fucks of a failure ive become, for every fucking unslept night due to her fucking momory, i cryed for every tear i made her feel, every sad i let her feel and pretended not to care for, i cryed for never holding her long enough, never kissing her soft enough, never fucking her more passionate.... she was a memory too good to last, and i knew that from the start. god i fucking hate her... i hate me. Never have i felt so pathetic, i am the lesser species that hides for its survival. I cant move anymore.. my body like my soul has gone soggy. Nothing moves with me. Im stuck in this spot forever. stuck here with no choice on moving, no choice on anything, just stuck here, stuck left to deal with all the moemorys that destroyed my every bit of existance. stuck... "I live cement."
maybe one day somehow she will see the pain i felt for her. Maybe when she hears the news she will come by here in curiosity, go through all my shit and realize the love wasnt temproary... realize that he relaly cared. and all this daily awakening of pain i eat everyday wont go in vein. maybe all these tears are here for a reason though... but i try not to think of that...
i set her free, i did the right hting, and now i pay for it. love is sacrafice regardless of how many times i change my mind about it. love is the greatest feeling to exist, the only feelign that makes life worth haveing. the only feeling ill never completly grasp again. This is the last time i let myself cry... i dont care what the fuck it takes.
One day you will fucking find the notebooks, the journals, the stupid pathetic entrys and all the memorys that i bled for you! you will see the stains on the cement my tears suffered for you. You will see it all, and thank me, for giving you such a better life that you deserved. Fuck it. just fuck this journal shit, fuck everytihn. you people will see whats coming see how big of a fucking joke i am. Lets fucking laugh at this stupid shit of an existance that is just going through some cylcle in life, wel FUCK YOU FUCYOU FUCKS!!!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK ALL THIS SHIT., I HATE EVERYTIHNG. WHY CANT I JUST ESCAPE THIS BALL OF PAIN TO A DIFRENT PLANET WHERE I CAN JUST ROT ALONE WITH NOTHING, NOTHING COMPLETYL NOTHING. I WANT NOTHING!!!!! NOT THESE FEELINGS, NOT THE MEMORYS NOT THE NEED FOR HER, NOT THE ANYHTING THAT EXIST HERE, I JUST WANT NOTHING!! !I WANT LONLY EMPTYNESS WITHOUT KNOWING IT. I WANT TO FUCKING END ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When i fall, ill let the whole fucking world hear my soul scream through and out my body, NO ONE WIL SEE THE COMPLETE PICTURE OF MY FAILURES. I promise you fucks right now, I FUCKING PROMISE YOU I WILL NOT SUFFER MUCH LONGER AT ALL REGARDLESS OF THE PAIN, I WILL SET MYSELF FREE.